When I was in my teens, I was involved with very evangelical Christian groups, where much was made of finding one's ministry - 'Have you found your ministry yet? Do you think x could be your ministry? Have you prayed for your ministry to be revealed to you?'
I was never quite sure what my ministry was, unless it was being able to perform all the words and actions of the Butterfly Song off by heart, and that seemed unlikely. It was just the most Christian thing I could do. All around me were preachers, prophets, people who could cast out demons, people with a mission to the homeless, people who ministered to alcoholics and drug addicts - and there was I, my only useful talent (as I thought) waving my hands around and ruffling my hair.
As I got older and grew further away from that area of the church, I began to see that 'having a ministry' was no simple, one-time deal. I met people who had maybe worked with the homeless for years, and then got deeply involved with, say, a choir or a theatre group (not mutually exclusive activities, of course, but I hope you see my point). Or maybe they'd been a lay preacher, then packed it all in to go and do voluntary work overseas. Perhaps it wasn't a case of finding my ministry, but listening, and doing what I was told.
Now that I am a Quaker, I can't remember anyone ever asking me what my ministry is. We seem more interested in bringing out people's many abilities and gifts than shoe-horning them into one special area.
I have always had a way with words, and blogging has become my most frequent practice of my writing skills. After reading my blogs, other members wondered if I would be a good Editor for the newsletter. I was worried about taking it on at first, in case it over-taxed me, but I spread out the work as much as I can over the month, and I know no one is going to complain if it's a couple of days late. So far, though, I have got it out on time, three months in a row.
The first two months were four pages long, but this month is ten pages, a real bumper issue. People seem to like my style, and are keen to submit items. I love doing it, I can use my skills, and I get thanks for doing a good job. I don't care what my ministry is now, I just enjoy being useful - and I still love singing the Butterfly Song...
Monday, 2 March 2009
Monday, 23 February 2009
Visual thoughts
I used to be quite wary of sharing my thoughts and feelings about my faith. I suppose I thought people would laugh at me or tell me I had things all wrong. Since being ill I have become much more confident about my opinions and feelings, maybe because I now have so much time to think about them and be sure of them! Becoming a Quaker has definitely helped in this process. I know that fellow Friends will not make fun of the things I say. It's a safe feeling.
Sometimes when I am keeping silence, I have images or visual thoughts alongside the usual verbal ones. On one occasion, long before I began attending Quakers, I saw that I was walking hand-in-hand with Jesus, along a path near a wood. He turned to me and said, “'Friends walking together don't need to talk all the time; as long as they walk together, the silences don't matter.”
This was of enormous comfort to me, as my M.E. means that sometimes I can really struggle to find the words I need. It also formed an important part of my journey towards finding Quakers.
On another occasion, after I had been ill for some time, I was beginning to suffer from depression at my worsening condition. I saw a deep pit, full of shadows and darkness, and I realized that I was standing on Jesus, as if I were standing on a ledge. He said to me, “There is much further down you could go - but you won't.”
Since then I have never again felt so frightened and low, even though my physical condition has not improved.
These visual thoughts don't come often, but when they do, they stay with me for a long time afterwards.
Sometimes when I am keeping silence, I have images or visual thoughts alongside the usual verbal ones. On one occasion, long before I began attending Quakers, I saw that I was walking hand-in-hand with Jesus, along a path near a wood. He turned to me and said, “'Friends walking together don't need to talk all the time; as long as they walk together, the silences don't matter.”
This was of enormous comfort to me, as my M.E. means that sometimes I can really struggle to find the words I need. It also formed an important part of my journey towards finding Quakers.
On another occasion, after I had been ill for some time, I was beginning to suffer from depression at my worsening condition. I saw a deep pit, full of shadows and darkness, and I realized that I was standing on Jesus, as if I were standing on a ledge. He said to me, “There is much further down you could go - but you won't.”
Since then I have never again felt so frightened and low, even though my physical condition has not improved.
These visual thoughts don't come often, but when they do, they stay with me for a long time afterwards.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
The gift of simplicity
This entry should really have been up yesterday, but I have the most enjoyable of all excuses for its late arrival - we had Meeting for Worship in my home on Sunday :) These small meetings have been an occasional thing so far, but it was decided on Sunday that they should be monthly now, about which I am absolutely delighted!
Normally I would have rested on Sunday afternoon after all the excitement of having visitors, but like an idiot I pushed on with a hat I was knitting for a deadline. That, combined with having had a broken night's sleep (my oxygen machine packed up, and I had to go onto a cylinder) meant that by Sunday night I had thoroughly crashed. I was asleep for most of yesterday (Monday), but I'm starting to poke my nose out and blink now...
For the first time in many meetings, I spoke. I was quite taken aback to feel that familiar
Normally I would have rested on Sunday afternoon after all the excitement of having visitors, but like an idiot I pushed on with a hat I was knitting for a deadline. That, combined with having had a broken night's sleep (my oxygen machine packed up, and I had to go onto a cylinder) meant that by Sunday night I had thoroughly crashed. I was asleep for most of yesterday (Monday), but I'm starting to poke my nose out and blink now...
For the first time in many meetings, I spoke. I was quite taken aback to feel that familiar
excuse me
excuse me
and, for once, I didn't need to wait until it becameexcuse me
EXCUSE ME
before I gave in and spoke :)
And what I said was (more or less) this:
We are going to become an important help to people in this credit crunch/depression. So many people use shopping as a band-aid over the emptiness in their lives, and get into more and more debt doing so. There just won't be the consumer credit available any more to do this, nor the money available to service the debt, and people are going to be left without their prop.
We know the joy of freedom from acquisitiveness and the retail therapy culture. We can demonstrate the joys to be had in simplicity and not buying things for the sake of buying them. People are going to need that voice, that perspective. We have the experience people will need in finding support in non-material things, and we will be able, if we choose, to share that.
We all agreed afterwards that sometimes a problem can bring out the best in people (the old 'Blitz spirit'!), and we all hoped that this would be the case over the next few months.
As BYM Advices and Queries no. 41 says:
And what I said was (more or less) this:
We are going to become an important help to people in this credit crunch/depression. So many people use shopping as a band-aid over the emptiness in their lives, and get into more and more debt doing so. There just won't be the consumer credit available any more to do this, nor the money available to service the debt, and people are going to be left without their prop.
We know the joy of freedom from acquisitiveness and the retail therapy culture. We can demonstrate the joys to be had in simplicity and not buying things for the sake of buying them. People are going to need that voice, that perspective. We have the experience people will need in finding support in non-material things, and we will be able, if we choose, to share that.
We all agreed afterwards that sometimes a problem can bring out the best in people (the old 'Blitz spirit'!), and we all hoped that this would be the case over the next few months.
As BYM Advices and Queries no. 41 says:
A simple lifestyle freely chosen is a source of strength.
And if you don't invest your happiness in things, then it can't be taken away by bailiffs....
Monday, 9 February 2009
Fluffy Brain Days
Blogging on a set day seems like such a good idea, until I get to a day when my brain is full of fluff and I am devoid of inspiring content!
I had a rough week last week, culminating in a bad bout of insomnia on Saturday night/Sunday morning (I finally fell asleep a little short of 6am). I feel distinctly uninspired, although I know that's just the effect of the illness.
So, a little something from my Commonplace Book to ponder on. I have kept a Commonplace Book for years now, noting down any quotations that speak to me, amuse me or are just plain beautifully written.
I went to my oldest Commonplace Book for today's entry, and got sidetracked by a number of old friends which I had forgotten. The one which I would like to share with you is from Gerard W Hughes' brilliant book, God of Suprises, and it's one I find very heartening on days like today:
I had a rough week last week, culminating in a bad bout of insomnia on Saturday night/Sunday morning (I finally fell asleep a little short of 6am). I feel distinctly uninspired, although I know that's just the effect of the illness.
So, a little something from my Commonplace Book to ponder on. I have kept a Commonplace Book for years now, noting down any quotations that speak to me, amuse me or are just plain beautifully written.
I went to my oldest Commonplace Book for today's entry, and got sidetracked by a number of old friends which I had forgotten. The one which I would like to share with you is from Gerard W Hughes' brilliant book, God of Suprises, and it's one I find very heartening on days like today:
When we pray, we may become more aware of our inner chaos.
This is a grace, a gift of insight, not a sign of failure.
Have a peaceful week, everyone.
This is a grace, a gift of insight, not a sign of failure.
Have a peaceful week, everyone.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Hope
Gil S had a meme on her blog about poetry today and, although I'm not really joining with the meme, I would like to share this with you.
It was commissioned for the multi-faith chapel in the new hospital in Durham. I was asked to stay away from specifically Christian imagery or subject matter, and I thought something common to all religions was the idea of hope.
Hope
I stand beside the football fan, the student in exams,
The busy driver looking for a space,
The mother tucking in her sleeping child
I know consultants' waiting rooms,
The operating theatres and ITUs
When you are quite alone and all is silence
I am here
I hold your hand in darkness
I will never leave
It was commissioned for the multi-faith chapel in the new hospital in Durham. I was asked to stay away from specifically Christian imagery or subject matter, and I thought something common to all religions was the idea of hope.
Hope
I stand beside the football fan, the student in exams,
The busy driver looking for a space,
The mother tucking in her sleeping child
I know consultants' waiting rooms,
The operating theatres and ITUs
When you are quite alone and all is silence
I am here
I hold your hand in darkness
I will never leave
Monday, 26 January 2009
A little glimpse of Heaven
I was having trouble today settling into silence. I was uncomfortable in my chair, I have a chesty cough at present which kept interrupting me, odd thoughts kept popping up - you know how it is.
Suddenly I was aware of a chaffinch singing. The two oak trees immediately in front of my house are still leafless, so it was quite easy to spot the little bird, hopping from branch to branch. I must have watched and listened to him for ten minutes, as he made his way round both trees before finally flying off.
I sat back in my chair and took in my surroundings again. The sun had come out, low but surprisingly bright, warming the trees and the cream rendering on the house opposite. The sky was a pale but distinct blue.
And I felt utterly at peace.
Suddenly I was aware of a chaffinch singing. The two oak trees immediately in front of my house are still leafless, so it was quite easy to spot the little bird, hopping from branch to branch. I must have watched and listened to him for ten minutes, as he made his way round both trees before finally flying off.
I sat back in my chair and took in my surroundings again. The sun had come out, low but surprisingly bright, warming the trees and the cream rendering on the house opposite. The sky was a pale but distinct blue.
And I felt utterly at peace.
Monday, 19 January 2009
Links
Doesn't Monday come round quickly!
My brain this week is full of fog and has no deep insight to offer. What I can offer, though, is some of the more unusual Quaker links I am accumulating in my search for Newsletter fodder.
I'd like to start with the Digital Quaker Collection. This is like Project Gutenberg for Quaker writings. It has complete texts of all kinds of Quaker writings, including well-known books like Barclay's Apology and the Journals of John Woolman. It's hosted by Earlham School of Religion, and is an invaluable resource for older texts. A small and more easily navigated selection of the most famous texts can also be found in the Quaker pages of the Street Corner Society.
I enjoyed browsing this collection of Quaker Quotes, which range in time from the beginnings of the Society up until 2002. This is a really varied selection - from the Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech to an article entitled Danger of Quaker Smugness!
The Southern Quarter of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting has an excellent outreach website for children called KidsQuake, in which you can find an illuminating list of Quaker films and documentaries. I also found two different websites containing examples of Quaker Humour - some funnier than others, of course! My favourite is a note spotted on an office workstation: 'I am a Quaker. In case of emergency, please be quiet.' Which tells you all you need to know about my sense of humour....
Lastly for today, the Quaker Jargon Buster. Never again need you wonder about the meaning of daffodil ministry, being eldered, or the significance of the phrase, 'That name would not have occurred to me...' This is a UK site, so if any non-UK readers would like to tell me about jargon from their areas, I would love to hear it :)
My brain this week is full of fog and has no deep insight to offer. What I can offer, though, is some of the more unusual Quaker links I am accumulating in my search for Newsletter fodder.
I'd like to start with the Digital Quaker Collection. This is like Project Gutenberg for Quaker writings. It has complete texts of all kinds of Quaker writings, including well-known books like Barclay's Apology and the Journals of John Woolman. It's hosted by Earlham School of Religion, and is an invaluable resource for older texts. A small and more easily navigated selection of the most famous texts can also be found in the Quaker pages of the Street Corner Society.
I enjoyed browsing this collection of Quaker Quotes, which range in time from the beginnings of the Society up until 2002. This is a really varied selection - from the Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech to an article entitled Danger of Quaker Smugness!
The Southern Quarter of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting has an excellent outreach website for children called KidsQuake, in which you can find an illuminating list of Quaker films and documentaries. I also found two different websites containing examples of Quaker Humour - some funnier than others, of course! My favourite is a note spotted on an office workstation: 'I am a Quaker. In case of emergency, please be quiet.' Which tells you all you need to know about my sense of humour....
Lastly for today, the Quaker Jargon Buster. Never again need you wonder about the meaning of daffodil ministry, being eldered, or the significance of the phrase, 'That name would not have occurred to me...' This is a UK site, so if any non-UK readers would like to tell me about jargon from their areas, I would love to hear it :)
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